halloween nite was so much fun. we had more trick or treators than i expected. everyone got a chance to dress up. of course our biggest star is the dog rascal =)
i will have to find some time to get those pictures uploaded. for now, i can only show a strip of them =)
plugging: bunnywunny!
when i got on the bus, i saw one of the city buses is fully decorated and the bus driver dressed up as a big fat chicken. i can’t believe my eyes. a human size witch with her broom is at the fron to the bus, words written on the windows and in the back was the tail of the broom and this weird looking latern. i don’t know what it was for exactly. my bus driver dressed up as an angel and is giving out candies. unfortunately candies are not my things. but that was the biggest dress up i’ve seen the entire day.
do you have special plans for halloween tonite? andy and i are going to his mom to take pictures of his mom’s dog dressed up. it will be so cute. i will have to share those pictures tonite. how about you?
DodoZhang21: hi sis
that slygirl: Hey, how’s it going?
DodoZhang21: can i ask you a question
DodoZhang21: you read my blog pretty frequent right?
that slygirl: Sometimes. I did read it today.
that slygirl: You are exercising, good for you 
DodoZhang21: do you think i show signs of depression or turning to depression?
that slygirl: Well, I think when you were still in high school you were more prone to depression. But now you are in college and have gained more independence, and you have Andy, you show fewer signs of it. Although sometimes I think you cover it up…you go to the ‘net to escape reality, no? But I do not think you are as depressed as say, Athena…
DodoZhang21: hi bobbi
BobbiSays: hello!
DodoZhang21: can i ask you a question?
BobbiSays: okay
DodoZhang21: by reading my blog, do you think i’m showing signs of depression or turning to a depression?
BobbiSays: I don’t think so… I think that everyone goes through really depressed states once in awhile. But it’s usually temporary.
DodoZhang21: hi jackie
DodoZhang21: how are you?
BlueShampoo: Hi Dodo
DodoZhang21: can i ask you a question?
BlueShampoo: I am doing good, how are you?
BlueShampoo: Sure
DodoZhang21: you read my blog pretty often right?
BlueShampoo: Yes
DodoZhang21: do you think i show signs of depression or turning to depression?
BlueShampoo: Not really. I know somethings were getting you down, though
DodoZhang21: what is that?
BlueShampoo: I know you have Andy, who seems great,
BlueShampoo: Your mom and
BlueShampoo: feeling uninspired
BlueShampoo: But I think you’re okay,
BlueShampoo: What do you think?
DodoZhang21: yes, do you sometimes feel uninspired?
BlueShampoo: Yes I do
BlueShampoo: Then after a while
BlueShampoo: I feel better, usually
BlueShampoo: Yesterday I felt so sad, for no real reson
BlueShampoo: then I took a nap and my friend Nathaniel called so I am okay
DodoZhang21: would you consider to have such feelings kinda normal?
DodoZhang21: like once in a while?
BlueShampoo: Once in a while yes. Not often though
DodoZhang21: hi sis
DodoZhang21: can i ask you a question
DayNah MN: yea what’s up?
DodoZhang21: do i show signs of depression or turning into depression?
DayNah MN: well
DayNah MN: i think u manage to keep yourself occupied
DayNah MN: so u don’t have to think about those sad things…
DayNah MN: i did the same..
DayNah MN: it’s when u keep thinking about them..
DayNah MN: that u fall into depression
Am I depressed? *pointing at my nose, looks stunned, shakes head* Do I have a problem which is potential to turn into something big? *shakes head* Am I denying? *totally confused* Why is that the person who’s supposedly most intimate with me tell me to seek counseling? I felt like nocking my head on the wall. Am I hearing stuff correct? HUH HUH HUH?????! I felt my pride was completely attacked without warning. I was sad beyond words. I was absolutely fine minutes ago. Is this supposedly helping me to FEEL BETTER AND HAPPIER? OH MAN, i must be showing signs of depression again. one question tho, logically if i had no problem pulling myself from suicidal attempts like four years ago and now that my life is doing so much better, i would go into bad depression in the future? that doesn’t make sense to me, does it to you? does that mean i will have the potential to drop out of school? or the potential to be fired at work if i don’t seek professional help? if it’s not so, is it that i would have horrible difficulties in my love relationship or family relationship or… hmm… what else? so how severe is it going to be if i don’t seek counseling.
andy’s argument – a person who’s intelligent as his brother doesn’t even know better when it was happening. ok, so no matter how smart you are, you might have potential problems. so watch out. these protential problems are shown in your complaints of your parents’ fights, your feeling uninspired (for what i remember only once).. what else? hmm.. the fact that i talked about my sad memory in the family.
am i escaping from reality? hmm.. maybe, but am i feeling happy and normal? *nods* do i feel comfortable talking to friends about my problems? *nods* do i have friends? *nods* do i have hope? *nods* do i feel love? *nods* do i love others? *nods* so what keeps me up all night? my creativity for web design? – my creative writing class teacher tells me he does the same when he has ideas to write. and why i feel tired waking up in the morning? hmm don’t i always feel like that ever since i remembered waking in the morning? so are these signs of turning to depression?! i don’t think so, do you? and yet andy tells me i have problem? it’s not a big problem and yet i need to seek counseling.
i cried.
1. coz the person who i expect to know me the best would try to convince me that i should seek professional help because of reasons given by people who don’t know me as much.
2. my pride has been attacked
3. it’s the first time i have to realize what others always tell me is true that: there would always be a difference between chinese and american cultures. from his definition, 99% asians probably are depressed. and yet we do the best in school and career. isn’t that weird?
4. everything was said tonite left a sour waste in my mouth. i hate when stupid things like this ruin my mood. and it’s out of nowhere too.
but guess what? i will continue to show my signs of depression and also my signs of happiness. wether you believe that’s good or bad signs don’t really matter to me. just like many other times in my life, i’m in charge of my own life and i know who i am and what i am doing.
forgot to change the clock last nite. someone really needs to remind of this sorta thing. i never know what’s going on LOL
so i got school earlier, i’m having a headache right now..grrr.. i just discovered a green apple in my bag. yumm
have you seen the picture on the cam? andy was playing osama last nite haha, bobbi is watching.. here’s her shot
dork dork dork
andy’s such a goof sometime.. well, i am too. if you read daynah’s descriptioin of me….
new layout is coming, i want to add a people cast to it too =)
i was soly impressed by myself. i jogged almost 30 minutes straight for 3 miles. i paced myself well. i didn’t feel that tired after i’m done. it’s a great feeling. i did 60 setups afterwards and that ended my first exercising nite. we will do this very friday now.. i’m looking forward to it.
asian abuse is only a week old. the words have already been spread around all over the place. it’s the sad truth. since i’m still involved in the horrible situation. i tend to force myself not to think about it too much. i thought i took a step forward from what was holding me back. now i feel comfortable talking about it. i will probably let up the ugliest moments of my life out. i intend to join the blog.
i hope we can do more than just vent. perhaps to form an organization to save more victims.. sigh…
today is my cs project day! i started the project last nite and finally went into the fun part today. i’m generating 3D people with c++ it’s so fun and my art will be in the art contest. i hope i can win something. even if i dont, i still learned a lot from it. =)
i didn’t realize my board has this stupid posting error until right before discreet structure. by then i couldn’t dig into it since i had to go to class. i put it off til i finished my project. it turned out to be a somewhat stupid and small error.
here’s the post if you are interested in reading.
andy and i are going to gym to jog tonite. andy’s been nagging how i should exercise more =P he got me calcium supplement and valnarian root for my sleeping problem yesterday =)
we actually have three alarms in our room. i hate andy’s big alarm clock. the kind you have to plug in and that is attached to a radio. i stopped him from using that alarm a while back coz it just scares me every time it went off. i have a smaller alarm that i always use. since andy bought his cool watch (which has 5 different alarm settings itself), he always uses his watch.
this morning when i heard the alarm, my mind was probably wondering around in some unknown space, all i tried to do was stopping the alarm from pulling me away from that space. so i turned around and started slapping andy’s big radio alarm and trying whatever i could to turn it off. and so when the alarm finally went off, i felt relieved. but later i thought to myself, that wasn’t right, didn’t andy stop using that alarm a while ago? so what happened? I was slapping the wrong alarm. out of curiosity, i called andy when i got to the lab. andy said he thought i was heading for his watch that was beside the radio alarm clock. he remember he said to me “sorry honey, you have to push a little gray button” which obviously i didn’t hear. and he thought he turned off the alarm himself later since i didn’t seem able to do that.
HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA
do you do or say stupid things when you are only half consious?
btw, daynah, you should share Al’s tooth brush story LOL
so as you guessed, i didn’t get enough sleep when i woke up this morning and my back hurt. i didn’t want to go to class. at first i begged andy to stay home with me. he did =P but then i had this wild idea to have him go to class with me. again he agreed.
by the time we entered computer science lecture, the auditorium was half full. We sat down next to my friend Paul. There I found out Paul got 100 on his first exam. Grrr.. I just don’t understand how can people always get 100 on their tests! I ALWAYS miss a point or two due to STUPID mistakes even I knew everything. >< I only got 97. Lecture probably bored andy quite bit since we were talking about recursion. I peeked at him from time to time. Fortunately he didn't fall asleep. Actually he attempted to voltunteer for an experiment in the class.
The most fun part of the day was when I had an appointment with my creative writing teacher an hour ago. I couldn’t believe how much I told him about myself. Even though we focused mainly on my writings, it was fun telling him about my family life. He just finished a novel based on his childhood and trying to get it published. I always believed writing is an incredibly hard career to go with. With a degree from law school, he still decided to pursue his pure passion. That’s so admirable!
When I came home after the appointment, my father had a total surprise waiting for me. He brought a drilled duck from a local Chinese store. I thought we can only obtain those kind ducks in big city like Chicago. Hehe it tasted so good. Hmm.. andy would LOVE it when he gets back. I just can’t wait to see andy’s expression when he sees the duck! YUM!
this is just another one of those sleepless nite where i toss around on the bed thinking about everything but sleep. andy and i had a fun three hour chat with my god sis tonite. we plan to get together again with her and her bf over thanksgiving. how sweet… a year ago… both my god sis and i were in love trauma and now she’s considering engagement too. isn’t life full of drama? =)
last nite i finished a winter snowy layout for pure essence. i plan to put it up right after halloween. it’s simple but touching. i like it.
this week our assignment for creative writing is to turn in a piece of journal entry. boy, isn’t that so hard for me. guess which one i will turn in? after thinking over, i decided to turn in the one i had on andy’s proposal for marriage on our anniversary. that’s the most emotional entry i had recently. and it’s also something i’d like to show world =) so i’m going to dig it out and perhaps edit it a little bit before i turn it in next week.
