Posts filed under ‘funny’

friend’s dream about me

Haha this had me in tears. What a dream Kimi :)

kimi: omg i had the most **** up dream right before i got up this morning
kimi: you were in it and dodo too
kimi: too much p.s.
kimi’s friend (12:36:58 PM): hahaha
kimi: we were at this festival
kimi: they were squirting water on people because it was so hot .. and selling GIANT avacados in vending machines
kimi: and ….
kimi: KITTENS
kimi: in the vending machines
kimi: to EAT
kimi: with the avacados
kimi’s friend: hahaha wtf
kimi: dodo was there on stage with this hot pink set and purple smoke lol
kimi: in this silvery costume and lots of glitter
kimi: singing in chinese a song to “save the kittens”
kimi: and all these pet society characters were dancing with her
kimi: it was in some weird country
kimi’s friend: whoaaa
kimi: you and i were like yeah!!!! save the kittens!!!
kimi: they were all half starved and out of it
kimi: so hot and crammed in the machines
kimi’s friend: HAHAHHAHAH
kimi: the avacados were so beautiful but the kittens were half dead .. all orange and white kittens
kimi: $5 each and i had NO money
kimi’s friend: awwww
kimi: i said “i wish i could buy them with pet society coins” then i woke up
kimi’s friend: LOL
kimi: dodo had a hit song with her kitten song
kimi: i wondered if she would save all the kittens with it
kimi: god it was **** up
kimi: them clawing to get out of the machines
kimi: its still bugging me
kimi: im halving my xanax so im going to start having nightmares :p

Upside down text with CSS

It’s actually possible to print text upside down using a simple CSS property and works cross-browser today. The property to use is “text-gravity” with a value of “inverse”.

<span style="text-gravity: inverse"> write upside down text </span>

… and this is the result:
ʇxǝʇ uʍop ǝpısdn ǝʇıɹʍ

I’m really surprised to learn that so few people know about this property, and I recommend you to continue reading the W3C specification of text-gravity.

Update: Sorry, I lied :) The above is done with a UTF-8 character generator (see the link the the “specification” above). Amazingly, you can find that most characters have their upside down equivalent somewhere else in the huge Unicode alphabet. Neat trick :)

Plane crash is nothing when…

Plane crash is nothing when...

ICHC selection

Brought to you by ichc.com

battlesuitengag.jpg

displannotwo128392317581093750.jpg

funny-pictures-15-cents-stop.jpg

(more…)

Chinglish

I noticed that engrish.com has a Chinglish section now. For those who don’t know these are English translations in non-English speaking countries and Chinglish is specifically for the ones in China. I thought I’d share some with you. I will try my best to provide you with the correct translation for each.


For each plastic bag wasted, please pay two dollars.


Please ask for assistance.


To keep the restroom clean, please put trash in the trash can.


(This one is actually from Japan but it’s a classic.)


Temporary parking for unloading.


Handicapped.


Main entrance. (No sure how that came about.)


(No idea about this one.)


No cycling or skating. No soccer.


Eight Treasures.


(I guess at least it’s short and to the point.)


Self serving terminal.


(Really “Thunder” will be a good enough translation for this firework.)


Warm milk. (In Chinese the word for “Milk” and “Breast” is the same.)


Automatic flush.


Do not feed the fish with your own food.

Chinglish explained and more Chinglish.

Quotes from CSI

If you haven’t watched CSI – the most watched crime show on TV, then you should. I was looking some quotes from the show last night and thought I’d share these:

Gil Grissom: A Harvard professor conducted an experiment. Asked a bunch of students to watch a basketball game – count the number of times the ball was passed.
Captain Jim Brass: Yeah? Groundbreaking.
Gil Grissom: During the game a person dressed in a gorilla suit ran across the court. Afterward, the professor asked the students if they noticed the gorilla. Fifty percent responded, “what gorilla?”
Captain Jim Brass: That’s wonderful, Gil. If I see a gorilla, I’ll arrest it.

Captain Jim Brass: [to a suspect] Nice stare. Too bad it doesn’t work on me. Keep it though – they’ll love it in prison.

Gil Grissom: So, let’s see. You surf, you scuba dive. You’re into latex, you like fashion models and Marilyn Manson. And you also have a coin collection?
Greg Sanders: Weird, ha?
Gil Grissom: Well, I race cockroaches!

[Dr. Robbins has received a human head in the mail]
[Grissom walks into the room]
Gil Grissom: I heard you got some head.

Warrick Brown: Who brings a gun to a knife fight?
Gil Grissom: The winner?

Cutest Firefox poster!

My coworker just sent me this cutest Firefox poster!! Everyone should get one.
cutest Firefox poster!

I was very enraged by the JSF tag
h:selectOneRadio

Because it renders the radio buttons with the TABLE tag @_@ instead of something CSS friendly like list or div tags.
Fortunately if you use the tomahawk’s version of
t:selectOneRadio
You can render the radio buttons your own way.

Orientation of the options list. Valid values are “pageDirection” for a vertical layout, “lineDirection” for horizontal, or “spread” for developer placement. The default value is “lineDirection”. If the “spread” option is selected, this tag does not render HTML. Instead, the developer uses “radio” tags to position radio buttons for each of the SelectItem instances. See the “radio” tag for further information.

Why We Love Children

1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil. “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently. “You did WHAT?!” the teacher exclaimed in surprise. “You know,”explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later….. “Da-ad….” “What?” “I’m thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?” “No, You had your chance. Lights out.” Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…..” “WHAT?” “I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??” I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!” Five minutes later…… “Daaaa-aaaad…..” “WHAT!” “When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him “How do you expect to get into Heaven?” The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!’”

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?” The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.” A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.”

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?” The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, “Yes, and my Mom says it’s a bitch to iron.”

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, “Mommy, you are getting fat!” I replied, “Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.” “I know,” she replied, but what’s growing in your butt?”

7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine….” His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?” The little boy answered, “I’m doing my math homework, Mom.” “And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked. “Yes,” he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, “What are you teaching my son in math?” The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.” The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?” After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, “What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.”

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, “…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!” The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?” One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said: ‘Holy Shit! A talking chicken!’” The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, “I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.” Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, “I’m Jane Sugarbrown.” The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, “Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?” She replied, “I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.”

10. A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?” Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.” The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.” She says, “Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too.”

Funny videos to share

i’m quite overwhelmed by my new job. since i don’t have internet access at night, i haven’t been able to keep up with my sites. i hope everything will be a lot smoother by august. we are actually buying a new house here which i can move into. i know we haven’t sold our condo yet but it will be fine since andy’s staying with it until it’s sold.

this awesome fire fighter interview will make you laugh.

what about the dis from the old lady you’d never expect

you may say this dog is very stupid but he’s a comedian x5 :)

oh AND if you use gmail notifier, you need to learn how to SECURE IT!

hotels allow a lot of children

i’m just doing some hotel search online since we are going to stay another city tonight. but this just amuses me

Hotel Children

Number of children: 0-17. I wonder why the maximum is 17 LMAO

Page 1 of 612345»...Last »