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Quotes from CSI
October 5th, 2007
If you haven’t watched CSI - the most watched crime show on TV, then you should. I was looking some quotes from the show last night and thought I’d share these:
Gil Grissom: A Harvard professor conducted an experiment. Asked a bunch of students to watch a basketball game - count the number of times the ball was passed.
Captain Jim Brass: Yeah? Groundbreaking.
Gil Grissom: During the game a person dressed in a gorilla suit ran across the court. Afterward, the professor asked the students if they noticed the gorilla. Fifty percent responded, “what gorilla?”
Captain Jim Brass: That’s wonderful, Gil. If I see a gorilla, I’ll arrest it.
Captain Jim Brass: [to a suspect] Nice stare. Too bad it doesn’t work on me. Keep it though - they’ll love it in prison.
Gil Grissom: So, let’s see. You surf, you scuba dive. You’re into latex, you like fashion models and Marilyn Manson. And you also have a coin collection?
Greg Sanders: Weird, ha?
Gil Grissom: Well, I race cockroaches!
[Dr. Robbins has received a human head in the mail]
[Grissom walks into the room]
Gil Grissom: I heard you got some head.
Warrick Brown: Who brings a gun to a knife fight?
Gil Grissom: The winner?
Thirty lines to make you smile
March 14th, 2007
- My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.
- I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
- I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
- Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- Don’t take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
- You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
- Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
- I’m not a complete idiot; Some parts are missing.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
- God must love stupid people; He made so many.
- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again
- Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!
- Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
- Procrastinate Now!
- I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
- A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
- Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
- They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
- He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
- A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
- Ham and eggs. A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
- The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
- The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
- I smile because I don’t know what the hell is going on.
My parents taught me
January 19th, 2007
1. My parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
2. My parents taught me RELIGION .
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
3. My parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
4. My parents taught me LOGIC.
” Because I said so, that’s why.”
5. My parents taught me MORE LOGIC
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
6. My parents taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
7. My parents taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
8. My parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
11. My parents taught me about WEATHER .
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
12 My parents taught me about HYPOCRISY .
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
13. My parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!”
14. My parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
“Stop acting like your father!”
15. My parents taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
16. My parents taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”
17. My parents taught me about RECEIVING .
“You are going to get it when you get home!”
18. My parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
19. My parents taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold”
20. My parents taught me HUMOR .
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
21. My parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
22. My parents taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”
23. My parents taught me about my ROOTS .
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn”
24. My parents taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
25. My parents taught me about JUSTICE .
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”
Maya Angelou Wisdom
September 29th, 2005
In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was “exciting.” Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day…like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first. The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!
Maya Angelou said:
“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.”
“I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”
“I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.”
“I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as ‘making a life.’”
“I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.”
“I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back.”
“I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.”
“I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.”
“I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.”
“I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.”
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
allow me to quote
November 8th, 2002
a letter written by me from the last century. i do not know why i want to quote it. there’s something in it that makes my heart …..
“****… you don’t understand.. it’s again midnite..school tomorrow right? sure.. and what is crazy dodo doing? missing you.. kept tossing around on the bedcouldn’t fall asleep. ******** made me sad today… ihad enough sleep this afternoon.. but i was dreamingabout strange things… many things are in my mindsimutaneously… what are you doing now, honey?so i got up.. turned on my computer.. check emails..then i found this site in my webring submissions…full of couples’ pics.. gosh that just made me feelworse.. hai… i’m so dead now i just ate an cake,some snaps.. and two cups of 7ups.. i’m gonna have badteeth if i keep eating during nite and don’t brush..eek eeksee i’m a lil crazy right now.. i don’t really knowwhat i am doing. 
i’m half lying on the bed.. iextended my arms long enough so i can reach keyboard..i see my typings sideway.. so don’t be surprised if mysentences don’t make sense.. coz they arent proofreadthe correct way.sometimes it helps when i get online.. coz i felt somuch more lonely in the dark, on the bed, all bymyself… ****..*tears*.. i wish to hear your voice..almost like whispering.. but so sweet so gentle.. mysole is connected with it.. no one would understandhow much that voice mean to me.. not even me..sometimes i try to immitate your voice and i feltreal.. almost felt like you are around.. next to myear.. but then that feeling went away.. leaving behinda room of darkness… i would then cover myself upwith blanket.. holding myself tight.. trying to avoid any coalition with fate… but i’m so vulnerable.. i can’t handle the tide of memory.. i can’t resist thehope of seeing you… i’m just in hand of my ownemotions.. rocking back and forth.. til it stopsrocking.. i will raise my head and start to look outof window.. sunshine always makes me happy.. but todaythere was no sun in the sky.. it rained and snowed…i didnt know what it meant… i just went back rocking… sad huh? but it’s alright.. i guess i just wentback to baby stage.. baby likes to be rocked ba…….k… i must have some mental obstructionstonite.. coz half of my words make sense.. the otherdoesnt… if you can ignore the other.. fine… hmmi’m getting sleepy.. my friend is going to sleep too..ok i’m even yawning now….. hmm……~~”
facts of life
August 20th, 2001
i read this on my board, altho i already know all these without reading. i still think it’s cute to read.
- At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
- At least 15 people in this world love you in someway.
- The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
- A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.
- Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
- You mean the world to someone.
- If not for you, someone may not be living.
- You are special and unique.
- Someone that you don’t even know exists, loves you.
- When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
- When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
- When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won’t get it, but if you ! believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
- Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
- Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
- If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.
