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Chinglish
November 10th, 2007
I noticed that engrish.com has a Chinglish section now. For those who don’t know these are English translations in non-English speaking countries and Chinglish is specifically for the ones in China. I thought I’d share some with you. I will try my best to provide you with the correct translation for each.
For each plastic bag wasted, please pay two dollars.
Please ask for assistance.
To keep the restroom clean, please put trash in the trash can.
(This one is actually from Japan but it’s a classic.)
Temporary parking for unloading.
Handicapped.
Main entrance. (No sure how that came about.)
(No idea about this one.)
No cycling or skating. No soccer.
Eight Treasures.
(I guess at least it’s short and to the point.)
Self serving terminal.
(Really “Thunder” will be a good enough translation for this firework.)
Warm milk. (In Chinese the word for “Milk” and “Breast” is the same.)
Automatic flush.
Do not feed the fish with your own food.
Quotes from CSI
October 5th, 2007
If you haven’t watched CSI - the most watched crime show on TV, then you should. I was looking some quotes from the show last night and thought I’d share these:
Gil Grissom: A Harvard professor conducted an experiment. Asked a bunch of students to watch a basketball game - count the number of times the ball was passed.
Captain Jim Brass: Yeah? Groundbreaking.
Gil Grissom: During the game a person dressed in a gorilla suit ran across the court. Afterward, the professor asked the students if they noticed the gorilla. Fifty percent responded, “what gorilla?”
Captain Jim Brass: That’s wonderful, Gil. If I see a gorilla, I’ll arrest it.
Captain Jim Brass: [to a suspect] Nice stare. Too bad it doesn’t work on me. Keep it though - they’ll love it in prison.
Gil Grissom: So, let’s see. You surf, you scuba dive. You’re into latex, you like fashion models and Marilyn Manson. And you also have a coin collection?
Greg Sanders: Weird, ha?
Gil Grissom: Well, I race cockroaches!
[Dr. Robbins has received a human head in the mail]
[Grissom walks into the room]
Gil Grissom: I heard you got some head.
Warrick Brown: Who brings a gun to a knife fight?
Gil Grissom: The winner?
Why We Love Children
July 19th, 2007
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil. “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently. “You did WHAT?!” the teacher exclaimed in surprise. “You know,”explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later….. “Da-ad….” “What?” “I’m thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?” “No, You had your chance. Lights out.” Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…..” “WHAT?” “I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??” I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!” Five minutes later…… “Daaaa-aaaad…..” “WHAT!” “When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him “How do you expect to get into Heaven?” The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!’”
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?” The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.” A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.”
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?” The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, “Yes, and my Mom says it’s a bitch to iron.”
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, “Mommy, you are getting fat!” I replied, “Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.” “I know,” she replied, but what’s growing in your butt?”
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine….” His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?” The little boy answered, “I’m doing my math homework, Mom.” “And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked. “Yes,” he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, “What are you teaching my son in math?” The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.” The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?” After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, “What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.”
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, “…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!” The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?” One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said: ‘Holy Shit! A talking chicken!’” The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, “I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.” Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, “I’m Jane Sugarbrown.” The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, “Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?” She replied, “I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.”
10. A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?” Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.” The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”
11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.” She says, “Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too.”
Funny videos to share
July 10th, 2007
i’m quite overwhelmed by my new job. since i don’t have internet access at night, i haven’t been able to keep up with my sites. i hope everything will be a lot smoother by august. we are actually buying a new house here which i can move into. i know we haven’t sold our condo yet but it will be fine since andy’s staying with it until it’s sold.
this awesome fire fighter interview will make you laugh.
what about the dis from the old lady you’d never expect
you may say this dog is very stupid but he’s a comedian x5 
oh AND if you use gmail notifier, you need to learn how to SECURE IT!
Funny cartoons and images
June 28th, 2007
These are cartoons and images found in my old pe backup. They were under the fun section but I don’t want to create a page for them any more so I will select the ones that still amuse me and put them in a post instead
- Watch for the contraction
- Did you back up?
- Not exactly the PC wheel of fortune
- In case you lack of common sense
- Only wish this is a real sign
- The best computer component diagram yet
- Ever wonder where icicles came from?
- This guy ought to make you feel better about your job
- Kangaroo needs privacy too
- The final design of the engineer who quit
- The Mexican SUV - hey at least you don”t have to worry about gas
- Microsoft Word for Blondes
- It was mystery meat!
- Girlfriend remote
- Next time, go easy on the tequila
- Now you know why I love pomeranians
Thoughts Aside
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