Good humor, bad ads

2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 524-0960. Leave mess.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant.

Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

For Sale — Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge.
Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress,
but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care of your child.

Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery.

Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties.
Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

And now, the Superstore–unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

Reasons to go to work naked

  • Your boss is always yelling, “I wanna see your butt in here by 8:00!”
  • Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
  • Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
  • “I’d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants.”
  • To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
  • You want to see if it’s like the dream.
  • So that, with a little help from Muzak, you can add “Exotic Dancer” to your exaggerated resumé.
  • People stop stealing your pens after they’ve seen where you keep them.
  • Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
  • Gives “bad hair day” a whole new meaning.
  • No one steals your chair.

Football and blonde

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

‘Oh, I really liked it,’ she replied, ‘especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.’

Dumbfounded, her date asked, ‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like….Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!!!!!!!!!!!

going

going to frisbee golf, i finally remembered to email paul about the discreet structure book.. maybe i will get a good deal online.. i updated all the broken emoticons on my board by using MySQL syntax.. thanks to daynah for the tip on the syntax =) I didn’t know i am a mod on daynah’s board now i feel pressured to go there once a day.. just kidding.. i added her board to my link bookmark on my browser, now her board is a matter of click away ;) isn’t that sweet? i’m gonna back up all the database for my board using the way daynah told me.. til andy got home from work to try out my curry beef ;)

arrr.. ice cream truck is around again.. they can always make that song stuck in my head somehow.. i never went to the truck to buy ice cream before tho.. maybe i will try sometime..

oh yeah, i just added the flying joke.