2003-05-03 Andy wrote this for me during a debate about abuse
Hello fellow readers. As you see my name is Andy, and I am Dodo’s boyfriend of three years. I was born and raised in America, the state of Iowa in fact. I lived happily in a divorced family and certainly suffered hardships throughout childhood and adolescence that many can relate to. The ultimate redemption for all of these hardships is that both of my parents still love me.
I love Dodo very, very much. The most surprising thing for me to discover in our relationship and still the most difficult for me to accept is that Dodo’s own mother has absolutely no genuine concern for the happiness, health, or well-being of her daughter. It was very surprising for me to witness the altercations that took place within my love’s family, the arguing, physical fighting, broken furniture and broken hearts. I even had to stick up for Dodo and protect her from her mother’s insane wrath on one occasion. I eventually moved Dodo out and we share our own home together where her mother does not know where she is.
I have pondered many times on the mentality of this woman that is the mother of my love. She is without doubt a very hardcore Chinese-minded individual. By that I mean she is ingrained with thriftiness, a desperate strive for more money and greater prosperity. This would seem to be normal goals for anyone, but she sacrifices the happiness of her husband and her daughter in so many fruitless attempts to procure more capital for herself, but alas only begets greater inner conflict and family turmoil with no profitable reward. For every year of Dodo’s life, I do not doubt that she was neglected and abused on many levels by this obsession for material wealth that will not come.
Coming from a family that was always loving and caring, I still will sit back and reflect on how bizarre life can be that one of the greatest steps in moving forward in life is completely eliminating one of your parents from participating in it. But there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this was the only option that could be chosen if Dodo’s well-being and future were to be secured. Over the course of these years I have had come to light many horror stories of Dodo’s mother that have made me frightfully angry to where I wanted to bring great harm and wrath upon her mother for the atrocities she has commit. Even Dodo’s Grandmother, that being her mother’s mother, has confessed to being mistreated by Dodo’s mom.
Ultimately I wish to convey that terrible things do happen behind the privacy of a home’s doors and windows. It is unfortunate that these things happened to the woman that I love and am so close to. It is also unfortunate that it seems she is not the only person who has shared experiences of this nature. That is what I believe is the foundation of Asian Abuse. There are indeed people who have had to deal with hardships beyond the standard fare that we would like to believe is the norm. Some of them even come from the same culture, and we begin to see parallels in the mentalities and behaviors of Asian parents and children, but at least now there is somewhere they can go, no matter how few or many, to give understanding and empathy to those who sometimes feel like nobody understands.
For twenty years I could have cared less about Chinese people and Chinese culture and the good and bad aspects of its existence. Now that I have witnessed a particular instance first-hand I have changed many of my ways of thinking and have matured a great deal. I have come to discover many wonderful things about Chinese culture that I enjoy incorporating into my own life, but also cringe at certain sinister elements as well. I am hoping that those out there who read this will also come to change how they judge that which they may not fully understand, for it is certainly a grave degradation of one’s credibility and composure to do so.
One thought on “About abuse”
I can relate to this post, I had a Chinese best friend who had a mother who was horridly abusive to her. Luckily she was able to move out once she started college but the end result is she must attend therapy in hopes she will not pass on this trait to her own family should she have one in her future.