personal

simply ridiculous

DodoZhang21: hi sis
that slygirl: Hey, how’s it going?
DodoZhang21: can i ask you a question
DodoZhang21: you read my blog pretty frequent right?
that slygirl: Sometimes. I did read it today.
that slygirl: You are exercising, good for you πŸ™‚
DodoZhang21: do you think i show signs of depression or turning to depression?
that slygirl: Well, I think when you were still in high school you were more prone to depression. But now you are in college and have gained more independence, and you have Andy, you show fewer signs of it. Although sometimes I think you cover it up…you go to the ‘net to escape reality, no? But I do not think you are as depressed as say, Athena…

DodoZhang21: hi bobbi
BobbiSays: hello! πŸ™‚
DodoZhang21: can i ask you a question?
BobbiSays: okay
DodoZhang21: by reading my blog, do you think i’m showing signs of depression or turning to a depression?
BobbiSays: I don’t think so… I think that everyone goes through really depressed states once in awhile. But it’s usually temporary.

DodoZhang21: hi jackie
DodoZhang21: how are you?
BlueShampoo: Hi Dodo πŸ™‚
DodoZhang21: can i ask you a question?
BlueShampoo: I am doing good, how are you?
BlueShampoo: Sure
DodoZhang21: you read my blog pretty often right?
BlueShampoo: Yes
DodoZhang21: do you think i show signs of depression or turning to depression?
BlueShampoo: Not really. I know somethings were getting you down, though
DodoZhang21: what is that?
BlueShampoo: I know you have Andy, who seems great,
BlueShampoo: Your mom and
BlueShampoo: feeling uninspired
BlueShampoo: But I think you’re okay,
BlueShampoo: What do you think?
DodoZhang21: yes, do you sometimes feel uninspired?
BlueShampoo: Yes I do
BlueShampoo: Then after a while
BlueShampoo: I feel better, usually
BlueShampoo: Yesterday I felt so sad, for no real reson
BlueShampoo: then I took a nap and my friend Nathaniel called so I am okay
DodoZhang21: would you consider to have such feelings kinda normal?
DodoZhang21: like once in a while?
BlueShampoo: Once in a while yes. Not often though

DodoZhang21: hi sis
DodoZhang21: can i ask you a question
DayNah MN: yea what’s up?
DodoZhang21: do i show signs of depression or turning into depression?
DayNah MN: well
DayNah MN: i think u manage to keep yourself occupied
DayNah MN: so u don’t have to think about those sad things…
DayNah MN: i did the same..
DayNah MN: it’s when u keep thinking about them..
DayNah MN: that u fall into depression

Am I depressed? *pointing at my nose, looks stunned, shakes head* Do I have a problem which is potential to turn into something big? *shakes head* Am I denying? *totally confused* Why is that the person who’s supposedly most intimate with me tell me to seek counseling? I felt like nocking my head on the wall. Am I hearing stuff correct? HUH HUH HUH?????! I felt my pride was completely attacked without warning. I was sad beyond words. I was absolutely fine minutes ago. Is this supposedly helping me to FEEL BETTER AND HAPPIER? OH MAN, i must be showing signs of depression again. one question tho, logically if i had no problem pulling myself from suicidal attempts like four years ago and now that my life is doing so much better, i would go into bad depression in the future? that doesn’t make sense to me, does it to you? does that mean i will have the potential to drop out of school? or the potential to be fired at work if i don’t seek professional help? if it’s not so, is it that i would have horrible difficulties in my love relationship or family relationship or… hmm… what else? so how severe is it going to be if i don’t seek counseling.

andy’s argument – a person who’s intelligent as his brother doesn’t even know better when it was happening. ok, so no matter how smart you are, you might have potential problems. so watch out. these protential problems are shown in your complaints of your parents’ fights, your feeling uninspired (for what i remember only once).. what else? hmm.. the fact that i talked about my sad memory in the family.

am i escaping from reality? hmm.. maybe, but am i feeling happy and normal? *nods* do i feel comfortable talking to friends about my problems? *nods* do i have friends? *nods* do i have hope? *nods* do i feel love? *nods* do i love others? *nods* so what keeps me up all night? my creativity for web design? – my creative writing class teacher tells me he does the same when he has ideas to write. and why i feel tired waking up in the morning? hmm don’t i always feel like that ever since i remembered waking in the morning? so are these signs of turning to depression?! i don’t think so, do you? and yet andy tells me i have problem? it’s not a big problem and yet i need to seek counseling.

i cried.

1. coz the person who i expect to know me the best would try to convince me that i should seek professional help because of reasons given by people who don’t know me as much.
2. my pride has been attacked
3. it’s the first time i have to realize what others always tell me is true that: there would always be a difference between chinese and american cultures. from his definition, 99% asians probably are depressed. and yet we do the best in school and career. isn’t that weird?
4. everything was said tonite left a sour waste in my mouth. i hate when stupid things like this ruin my mood. and it’s out of nowhere too.

but guess what? i will continue to show my signs of depression and also my signs of happiness. wether you believe that’s good or bad signs don’t really matter to me. just like many other times in my life, i’m in charge of my own life and i know who i am and what i am doing.

9 thoughts on “simply ridiculous

  1. Don’t let your pride make you upset. You would be surprised at how many people in the world suffer from depression. It’s not all that uncommon so if you are suffering from depression it shouldn’t make you feel bad or ashamed. If you don’t feel that you are depressed than, like you do :P, in my opinion, you definitly aren’t. I think you would be able to absolutely know for sure whether you were depressed or not and needed help. As for Andy, he probably didn’t mean to hut your feeling and just feels concerned about you. Like your friend’s said, nobody doesn’t get a little depressed every once in awhile and everyone goes through a time in their life when they don’t feel inspired. Trust me, I’ve felt uninspired many times which made me feel a little sad, but eventually I found something to inspire me again. Just keep looking for that little piece of inspiration somewhere! If maybe you are seriously considering that you are suffering from depression, there are always clinics around that you can call in order to make sure whether you are depressed or not. Well, I hope what I’ve had to say makes you feel better! Good luck and, although I’m sure you have plenty of people to talk to already, if you ever need someone to talk to about this feel free to contact me! πŸ˜› Love, Riven.

  2. wow, thanks for the words. it is nice of you. i know andy didn’t mean to make me feel bad. but the way he present was telling me that “i do have a problem” altho i don’t think so myself. that’s what was upsetting me. i just thought he should have known me better. maybe he was concentrating too much on the problem than me as a person. so it just didn’t turn out right.
    but it’s all fine now. we both agreed to forget about it. we are fine now =) thanks!

  3. I’m so glad you’re feeling better. I think that I’ve been in situations somewhat simular in the past few years. I have had people tell me that I need counciling, or that I must be depressed. Yet, I go through periods where I’m happy, confident, and inspired. Then again, I often question myself, my goals and my whole situation in life.

    My grandma, and my mom both suffer(ed) from depression. My mom is constantly hurting me emotionally. She doesn’t understand me at all. Yet, I somehow manage to stay on the better side of things. I’ve just come to the point where I refuse to listen to it.

    I don’t know if this is at all relevant. Sometimes I’m just at a loss for words. We all go through things like this. No matter what culture we were born into. We can only make the best out of our situation and make our time here on Earth worthwhile, and try to make things better for the future.

    *hugs* I hope that helped somewhat. I’m not too good with things like this. =P

  4. i don’t think people should automatically assume that just because you have some downs that you suffer from depression. if you find a reason to get going everyday and have a passion…what’s so bad about that? heck, i have problems getting up in the morning, but that’s because i like sleeping! πŸ™‚ there are plenty of depression websites to check out just to be sure. at least yo uand andy worked it out. ::hugs:

  5. i’m glad ur feelin better now. but i kno, eventually ur gonna feel sad again. every1 feels sad, depressed, etc. a few ppl have been questioning me about depression here and there. but every1 always questions things lyke that wen u show signs of sadness. those ppl just care about u and just want 2 try to find a solution 2 ur sadnessi may b sad sometimes but i kno i’m not depressed. i’ve always smiled–everyday of my life infact.i think that may b once u kno ur depressed is wen u havnt smiled in days. i try 2 look on the positive side of things. i’m going thru a lot rite now–but even tho terrible things r happining 2 me, there r still good things. i’m still happy. dodo, u may b sad, but u have 2 smile about certain things. i smile about my talent for web design, my own computer, my stuff, my friends, my wealth, my freedom. so ying, i dont think ur depressed.. but wen ur sad think about those awesome things..smile. i dont look at life as half empty, i look at it as half full.. as long as ur still smiling–ur not depressed =) feel free to contact me..i do hav aim so if u wanna chat jus ask 4 my name. o and another thing.. wen ppl write in journals/blogs (including ur posts in thyss site) they write about thier greatest feelings. sad feelings r always deeper than happy feeling, so en u blog a lot about sad things, ur just venting, ur talking about ur deep feelings.. ppl cant judge ur depression on ur blog entries. most of my topics in my journal r on sad things..basing them on my life would make my life look really sad and depressed, even tho i’m not at all. sorry i’ve written so long, i jus had 2 explain it all. have fun! ❀ dAnA

  6. *Gives Dodo a GREAT BIG HUG*

    I’ve had my mood changed in an instant far too many times from what other people have said to me. You probably have a lot of stress, and your boyfriend is most likely looking out for whats best for you, however, his suggestion may not be right on the mark. Continue talking to friends about your problems, cuz really that is the best thing. As long as you are sharing your feelings with others, you are not endangering yourself — keeping stuff to yourself is very very bad! πŸ™‚

  7. It MUST be awful to have someone, epecially someone you care about immensly, say that you ought to seek counseling. You don’t think you need counseling, correct? And one of the first things they tell you at counseling, or at least, one of the first things my shrink told me, is that you have to listen to yourself. And remember, Andy told you to seek help BECAUSE he cares. Think how lucky you are to have someone watching your back: There are people who don’t, and they fall into depression with no one realizing it. And if you can write that last paragraph you did, you’re ok.
    πŸ˜€

  8. ugh that reminds me when my brother died…my pyschiatrist aunt started counselling me and i hated the idea of being at a counsellor (another one) sometimes we can deal with sadness/depression on our own. Others deal it with a counsellor..I am sure andy means well. maybe he was afraid he couldn’t deal with some changes in your mood. For me, I would much rather talk to close friends about my problems .

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