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Falling Leaves

Falling Leaves This book hit something deep inside of me. I can draw so many parallels between Niang and my own mother. Even Lydia’s behaviors remind me of my mother. It reminds me how my mother used to fall asleep and snore in 20 minutes while I was heart broken and sobbing unceasingly next to her hurt by her words or actions. It’s funny that I cannot put my thoughts in a collective manner as the author did in the book but last night I could not put the book down while I was near the end even though I was tired out of my mind. As I grow older and spend absolutely no time with my mother, I cannot forget what she’s done to me. I can forget the details of an event but I will never forget the heart wrenching feelings, the aching sleepless nights and the despair and disbelief in the fact my own mother doesn’t love me. Although I always thought I’m not alone, this book did a job beyond my belief of proving it. While I admire the author’s tenacious courage to seek for love in her family, I know from my own experience that love sometimes just doesn’t exist from your closest kin. It’s forever a void in your heart. I loved my mother consciously and unconsciously for many many years and I probably still do. What hurts the most is the feeling of love unreturned and unappreciated. For me, at least I am trying my best to stop “wasting” love on a person unworthy of it. But how can a child truly get away from his/her parent emotionally? We sometimes laugh as why some women won’t leave their abusive husbands. Deep down I understand their sadness. I thought for many years that I would no longer suffer once I live independent of my parents. But until today I still weep uncontrollably when reminded of my emotion attachment of my past and my mother.

4 thoughts on “Falling Leaves

  1. *hugs*

    I remember feeling such emotions towards my own mother… but I like to believe that my relationship with her is much better now (since I’ve started university and lived mostly away).

    Still, I wish I could hug you the way you deserve to be hugged my your mom. 😦
    (I think my mom “loves” me… just not in the way that I would describe it)

  2. [Comment ID #258423 Will Be Quoted Here]
    Sarah, I agree with you. I did not like the ending very much either. I was hoping something nice could happen but nothing did. Although the author said in the preface she changed the names of her siblings to protect them, the book toward the end does sound more and more like a vengeance. It leaves the readers in the unbalanced and unsatisfied states as the author. She failed to answer the “so what?” part.

  3. I read this book when I was in high school. I usually read books at least 2 times but despite liking this book, I couldn’t bring myself to read it a 2nd time. I liked the Joy Luck Club more.

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