i really hate my mom.. it’s not that i should let her get in my way, she’s just always everywhere… like always… it’s about money.. she only cares about money i swear.. she’s so ridiculous >< i don't understand!!!!!!!!!! she always makes me cry. i didn't cry too much today tho.. not like last time.. i just feel crying for her is so meaningless and i hate myself doing that.
she's been asking my dad to pay for the mortgage for the house without sharing any of the tenat rent with him. that's just plain not fair. and last weekend, my dad, andy and i have already talked and decided to set up a date to talk to the tenat to remake a contract with her so she can pay both of my parents since my mom is such a *****. she came in this morning waking me up because andy turned on heater these days so i don't get worse on my cold. and she doesn't want to pay extra for the heater and asked me what kind of cold i have. she's willing to buy medicine or a small electric heater in my room but not the extra money in heating the house. all she cares is money.. she only comes to ask me my health due to money. that just hurts me… it really does.. i mean it doesn't surprise me or anything.. by moving out two times in the past few years, i don't ever want to expect any kindness or motherly like features in her.. but still everytime i converse with her i get so mad and hurt. i don't understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she's asking me to move out again… the old things replay themselves. i was crying… coz i just don't understand how can she do things like this.
i told her i understand that my father wants to keep money for himself because he doesn't want to spent his rest of life with her. my father has always planning to go back to china when he retires.. guess what my mom says? she said she's planning for the same thing and that's why she thinks he should pay for everything. i asked: why you tried so hard not to get a divorce with him during so many attempts that my father started? what's the point? she said she just doesn't want trouble. TROUBLE??! what's trouble, fighting everyday or just get it taken care once. of course deep inside i know why.. because she still relies on him to get her greencard that time. she will lose the thing she wants most if she agreed to divorce. and she still wants to show that this is a family on the surface. WHY WHY WHY WHY???!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don't understand. it's not like she cares… she still thinks i will not have a life any better then she does. she contantsly tells me: you will do the same thing in the future and once you will see why i'm doing this. NO WAY IN A MILLION MILLION YEARS would i ever be able to understand her. i just hate her.. hate her selfishness and coldness. i don't know why she's my mom. she doesn't care about me.. only her money. she only talks me when i'm using too much of her money. god **** she's not paying a penny for my college.. i pays mostly myself by working 20 hours a week and my dad helps. and she says that's because my dad should be responsible 50% of my cost as a parent. I was like, 50% or 100%? she was like what about all the bills i pay?! it's not much less than his mortgage payment. all she cares is money…….. she took the $1000 check my father sent to me while i was in china of course without even a mention to me. and now she's telling she's paying those bills for me. her name is on the certificant of this house, not mine. what the **** is wrong with her??! she then continues saying how she hated her mom when she was my age so she totally understands me and won't blame me. that is just so ridiculous.. my grandma is the kindest person in the world and it must be her problem that she didn't get along with her. what's worse? she beat my grandma once. having the emergency ppl coming to my grandma's house to save her from a heart attack. i witnessed that with my own eyes when i was just a little kid. now i asked her, she denies. whatever!!! she thinks i was too small to remember or what. i remember every single ugly thing she did in the past including pointing my nose telling me to out of the house when i was unwilling to do her english assignment for her when she was in church taking free english classes. she went out of the house kicking and yelling. asking me to move out again.. it's no use now. my father and i moved out once.. and it was her who did every possible way she can to get us move back including yelling in the apartment we chose to live. she's just plain crazy.. that's all i can say about her.
so there's how my sleep in morning went.