Thirty lines to make you smile

  1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.
  2. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
  3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
  4. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
  5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
  6. Don’t take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
  7. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me
  8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
  9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
  10. I’m not a complete idiot; Some parts are missing.
  11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
  13. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
  14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
  16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again
  17. Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!
  18. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
  19. Procrastinate Now!
  20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That
  21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
  22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
  23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
  24. They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
  25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
  26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
  27. Ham and eggs. A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
  28. The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
  29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
  30. I smile because I don’t know what the hell is going on.

2 thoughts on “Thirty lines to make you smile

  1. I was wondering who the author of these Thirty lines to make you smile came from?
    A variety of authors or just one … was it Maxine the cartoon character?

    I’m very interested because I don’t want to use them without referencing an author if there was one that was traceable…

    Thank you so much!

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